Fairytales

Kaiden: Mom, what’s your favorite fairytale so I can draw you a picture?

Me: Sleeping Beauty.

Kaiden: No, that’s not a fairytale, that’s a princess!

Me (confused): What is a fairytale?

Kaiden: You know, like dragons, fairies, mermaids….oh wait, they’re real.  Or dinosaurs…cause they’re dead.

I picked fairy.  See my picture above.

Soap

Potty humor is running rampant around my house.  My 6 year old thinks it’s hilarious and the more attention you give to the offending word or pharase, the more he says it.  A few weeks ago he was on a roll and throwing out all sorts of delightful commentary.  I had warned him I would put soap in his mouth but he continued.  I finally got fed up and turned to grab the soap.  I didn’t have a soap bar nearby so I grabbed the foaming soap out of a bottle.  I squirted a 1/2 pump of foam onto his tongue. He immediately started crying because he said it burned.  So I helped him wash it out quickly and he was fine. (I had never used that kind before). It did the trick for awhile. 

This morning while I was helping Kelsey get ready for a choir performance, Kaiden was running around my bedroom spouting a sentence over and over. My verbal reprimand only seemed to encourage him and he looked at me, smirked and repeated it again. SIGH.  I really hate it when you have to follow through on a threat. I picked him up, sat him on the counter and grabbed a brand new bar of soap.  I  think I only had soap in my  mouth once growing up….it was so gross and I remember it sticking in my teeth.  My little brother Jeff had soap in his mouth ALL THE TIME. In fact he liked it and would chew on it.  Well it looks like Kaiden inherited the soap loving gene.

Kaiden likes soap

What I hoped would deter him from saying bad words, backfired.  After we got his mouth all rinsed out he decided he really liked the soap and grabbed it to put it in his mouth again.  I told him no several times and finally had to put the soap out of his reach.  He said, “Mom, if you don’t give me the soap I am going to say that word again.”  I wasn’t really sure what to say to that! Not exactly how I planned that to go.

The Card Game

 

The Card Game

A Joke

A Joke

I love the raspy voice

I love the  Hiccups

I love the Lisp

I love that he figured out how to tell a long joke and understands the punchline

Skills

Kaiden and Tyke are cousins and best friends.  They love to spend time together.  Today Kenny was at his dad’s house painting a trailer.  Grandpa Simpson was babysitting Tyke, so the boys got to play together while the guys worked. After the trailer was painted, Kaiden and Tyke came in to talk to Kenny and Grandpa Simpson.

Kaiden: Dad, me and Tyke want to work so we can make lots of money.

Kenny: Okay, what do you want to do?

Kaiden: We can paint and then you can pay us lots of money.

Kenny: We are done painting the trailer.

Kaiden: What can we do to work to make lots of money?

Kenny: I don’t know, what skills do you have?

Kaiden (with a serious face): Well, I have Ninja skills.

Tyke: Ya! I have Ninja skills too!

Grandpa Simpson about fell off his chair laughing.  So if you have a need for a Ninja and you have lots of money, just give Kaiden and Tyke a call.

I Love Being a Mom

I love my picture.  Awesome hair, hot dress and I can totally kick Kenny’s butt!

Christmas Humor

HO HO HO-

Kaiden unraveled two rolls of wrapping paper to steal the cardboard in the middle.  They make excellent light sabers.  One roll was red paper with Ho Ho Ho written all over it in white letters.  Kylie decided to make a dress out of the paper. After some difficulty (think Sleeping Beauty and the fairies trying to  make a dress) I helped her.  We used staples to fashion a rather lovely ensemble.  The dress was very tight and any movement created a tear.  When the dress was finished she turned to Kenny and said, “Look Dad! I’m a skinny ho, ho, ho!”

 

Naughty or Nice?

Kaiden: Becky, I bet Tyson doesn’t remember who I am. ( he is in Iraq and we haven’t seen him for a few years)

Becky:  Yes he does.  I talk to Tyson about you all the time.

Kaiden: What do you tell him?

Becky: I tell him you are a good boy and you are kind and always a good helper. I tell him that Zander loves to play with you and I am so happy you get to play at my house everyday.

Kaiden: Oh………Do you think Santa heard you say that?

 

12 Days of Diaper Wiping-

After listening to the song “12 Days of Christmas”

Kaiden: Mom,  did he say diapers wiping?

Me: No

Kadien: What did he say?

Me: Pipers piping.

Kaiden: Oh.  Well it kinda sounds like diapers wiping.

The Manger-

Kaiden told my sister Becky, that we do not own a manger. ( not true. We do have several. But one is missing hay and the other is missing half of the gold tinsel halo). So they made one.  The manger is formed with a toilet paper roll.

 

Next it is filled with raffia to make a soft bed.

A cute little baby Jesus crafted from clay finishes the manger.

 

My son insisted on making his own baby Jesus.  With a green blanket.

 

Here is our manger.

Fundraisings

I HATE fundraising.  It is one thing I avoid at all costs.  I am involved with lots of community events and that is the one committee I will steer clear of.  I just don’t like to call people and ask for money…even if it is for a good cause.  I always dread when the kids bring home the big envelope.  Their eyes grow wide and their imaginations run wild with the thought of all the amazing things they can do with the prizes they are going to win.  They ONLY have to sell 300 pizzas to get a rubber bouncy ball.  I usually nod and then stuff the envelope somewhere so they will forget.  Bad Mom!

I went to pick Kylie up from school one afternoon and as I walked in the door she pulled an envelope out of her backpack and said, “Mom, my school is selling rolls.  Let’s not do that thing we always do…. you know, where we don’t do anything.”  My sister and I had a good laugh over that.  We came home that night and she got right on the phone selling away. She did a great job and I even bought 5 dozen.  They are Texas Roadhouse rolls….how could I resist.

Community Chapstick

Kaiden: Mom, do you want some of my chapstick?
Me: Sure. Thank you.
Kaiden: Don’t worry it only has SOME germs.  Like, my germs and dads germs and Kelsey’s germs and Kendall’s germs and Kylie’s germs.
Geez! I’m glad we don’t have a dog.

Happy Birthday, Love

My best friend had a birthday this month. 

We celebrated with a night out to dinner at Red Lobster.

I love this man.  He is my complete opposite...which is why it works I guess.  He is smart, funny, calm, hard working, and loyal.  I am looking forward to the rest of this growing old together journey.

P.S.

The Red Lobster birthday dinner made me think of a funny little story.

Kylie was digging through my closet while I was getting ready one morning.  She was clear in the back where my dresses hang.  She pulled out a black cocktail dress that I never wear and brought it out.

Kylie: Mom, you should wear this to work

Me: That is too dressy to wear to work.  I only wear that to fancy parties.

Kylie: Or if you go on a date with dad?

Me: No, there isn't anywhere in town fancy enough to wear that dress.

Kylie: What about Red Lobster?

Hahahahahah.  Red Lobster IS a super classy place but I did not wear my dress for our birthday dinner.  Good thing I didn't tell Kylie where we were going.

The difference between boys and girls

Kaiden: Mom, who am I going to marry?
Me: Somewhere out there is a little girl who is growing up like you.  She is sweet and kind and beautiful. Someday when you are older you will meet her and fall in love and get married.
Kaiden: And I will be her husband?
Me: Yes, you will be a good husband and love your wife and she will be your best friend.
Kaiden: *thinking seriously* And THEN I will get a real phone?

The difference.......
Girls- LOVE
Boys- ELECTRONICS

Mammals

We walked outside to run errands.  It was very cold and snowing.

Kylie: I just wish I was a mammal.

Me: You are a mammal.

Kylie: I mean a mammal that has lots of hair to keep warm.

Ohhhhh, THAT kind of mammal.

Ferocious Raccoons

Kaiden: I have a feeling.

Me: Oh? What is your feeling?

Kaiden: I had a dream that there was a raccoon an’ he was outside an’ he was trying to get in our house.  Then he got in our house an’ he came in my room an’ he ate me.  It was VERY scary.

Me: That IS scary. But guess what? Raccoons don’t eat little boys.

Kaiden: Oh. What do they eat? People?

Me: No. They eat garbage. And berries and leaves…and raccoons are not big enough to eat a little boy. They are only this big…about the size of a cat.

Kaiden: Oh.  Do they eat cats?

Me: No.

Kaiden: Do they eat dogs?

Me: No. They eat berries and leaves and garbage and…

Kaiden: Giraffes?

Me: No. They don’t eat giraffes.

The Dark Side

What do Diesel 10, the Green Goblin and Darth Vadar all have in common?

My four year old.

He is obsessed with the bad guy.

When he plays a pretend game he picks the bad guy.

Every time!

I was listening to him play light sabers with Kenny.

Kenny playing Luke Skywalker: I know there is good in you father. Join me.

Kaiden playing Darth Vadar: Luke Skywalker's dead. Darth Vadar won.

Then he turned around and walked away.

---------------------------------------------------

Usually when he plays Star Wars I get assigned to be Princess Leah.  But one particular time he said I was Darth Vadar's girlfriend...... Darth Galaxy. ha ha ha.

Kaiden Says

Kaiden: Mom, why did Santa bring me toys?
Me: Because you were good.
Kaiden, looking indignant: I was NOT good! I was bad! I was only good yesterday and today!
Okay then.


Christmas morning eating breakfast at the Simpsons-
Grandma S.: What time did you guys get up this morning.
Kenny: About 1:10 AM.
Kylie: No sir, dad! It was 1:12!
.

Kenny's parents came over to play Pinochle. As they were leaving-
Kaiden: Goodbye my mom and dad's, mom and dad.
Grandma S.: Goodbye my son's, son.
Kaiden: Hey! I'm not your son!
He almost had it figured out.


Kylie: Mom, what are dwarfs?
Me: They are little people.
Kylie: Oh. Do they live in the jungle?


I took the girls to the mall a few days before Christmas.  As we walked past the kid play area and Santa's workshop, Kylie wistfully said- "Can we play in there for a minute?"
Me: Nope. You are shopping with the big girls today.
We went on our merry way and Kylie had fun spending her $20.  She bought practical stuff like a giant sparkling pink rubber duck and a fist sized irridescent heart on a chain. Talk about bling.  Although she didn't mention it again, apparently she hadnt forgotten about the play area because on our way to the car she mumbled under her breath, "I don't like acting like a big girl."


Kaiden: If girls kiss boys they HAVE to marry them.


Kylie is always putting together some sort of play.  She was casting characters for the Wizard of Oz.  She was reading the list out loud to the family, letting them know their part.  Kenny about spit out the drink he just took when she read my part aloud.

And in case you didn't know, a Winkie is the Wicked Witch's soldier.

Dear Santa,

Poor Velma

During sacrament meeting today I was helping Kaiden with his Scooby Doo coloring book. I was drawing a picture of Velma and Kaiden leaned over to tell me, "That boy is wearing growl shoes."
"That's cause it's a girl" I whispered back.
"HE is a GROWL!!!???"

Poor Velma.



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Why Kristi bought a new car....according to Masi

"My mom decided to buy a new car because of our Air Freshener.  Every time she turned it on the hot air was cold. So, ya. That's why she bought a new car."

Boogers and The Force

Kaiden has moved past Thomas the Train, Shrek and Spider Man. His new favorite is Star Wars.  He makes everyone play a pretend game of whatever his new thing is at the time.  Most kids want to be the hero, but not Kaiden.  He is Darth Vader. By the way, have you ever tried to draw Darth Vader? It is next to impossible to get that helmet right.  Kaiden wanted us to draw a picture. My Darth Vader helmet looked like a dog and Kenny's looked like a very ill grim reaper.

As I attempt to write this post I am realizing I need to write out the sound effect that a light saber makes....it's light SABER right?  Or is it light SAVER? Geez this post is getting complicated. Anyhoo how do you explain the sound of a light whatever-it -is? It's kind of a zoom / humming with electric static. I know, I know....Deep Thoughts by Tenae. Moving on.

I was in the bathroom getting ready and listening to Kaiden play a Star Wars game with Kenny-

Kaiden: Zoom, Zoom, Dad I'm Darth Vader and I'm fighting you. (changes his voice) YOU DONT KNOW THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE! Zoom, Zoom, Zoom.  Hey, Dad. Pretend that Darth Vader had a booger in his nose. And pretend he went SSSNNNNOOOORRRTT.

That's right.  He snorted up a big huge booger.

Kenny: Why doesnt Darth Vader just use a Kleenex?

Kaiden: Because, Darth Vader goes like this, SSSNNNOOORRRTTT.

And there you have it.  I know you always wanted to know how Darth Vader takes care of sinus problems.

Kaiden Says

Kaiden shooting me with a web....also featured in this photo is the rear end of Margalo the Skunk. Margalo is a Webkinz. Kids get to choose the gender and name of their animal. Kaiden's skunk is a girl. He carries her everywhere and sleeps with her at night. It cracks me up that his favorite stuffed animal is a skunk.

Kaiden loves to act out every movie he sees. We got him this Spider Man costume for Halloween and he has worn it non stop. I was sitting at the table working on something dumb like bills. He was standing next to me saying- MJ! MJ! I was not really paying attention and did the mmm hmmm? He says again- MJ! (you know, Mary Jane from the movie?) I turn to look at him and he has his mask pulled up just under his nose, and his lips out in a pucker. I about fell off my chair laughing! He was reenacting the movie kiss!

Kenny took Kaiden four wheeling last week. Kenny was loading everything up and was putting his rifle in its case.

Kaiden: Dad, why are you bringing your gun?

Kenny: In case we see a deer.

Kaiden: Oh.......or a bad guy?

Kylie was playing school yesterday and had us writing and drawing pictures which she would then grade. I'm really good at "Drowing" cause I got two A+'s. Now math is another story because she gave me an F+. I wonder what the plus is for? "Hey here's an F because you are not smart, but a plus because you do it with such flourish!"




I picked up Kylie from school on Friday-

Kylie: We got our pictures back today.

Me: Oh good! How do they look?

Kylie: NOT GOOD. My eyes look red.

Me: I bet they look great! Let's see.... OH!
Her eyes ARE all red and her chin is tucked down so she is looking at the camera from a weird angle. She looks......well, evil.

I asked her why she tucked her chin down so far and she said the lady made her. I remember the crazy school photographers that always made me sit in the dumbest poses. It is rather annoying because this is the first year I have been home during picture day! The last 3 years I was out of town during pictures and my kids looked like orphans. I thought for sure this one would be the best! Oh well, at least there are re-takes. And here is a picture of how beautiful Kylie is.....