GOSSIP...It hurts when it's about you.

This post has been rolling around in my head for 4 months......

For the eternal optimist like me, most posts on my blog are happy.But you know, sometimes life is hard.  And sometimes life isn't perfect.  And sometimes you just need some time to fall apart. Sometimes our blogs show a perfect little life. Cute kids, darling husband, beautiful house, yada yada yada. Here's the thing....my life isn't perfect.  Gasp! What? Well, it's not.  I yell at my kids when I get stressed. I haven't scrubbed my bathroom in a few weeks.  My kids fight.  Alot.  Finances are stressful and the list goes on.

Isn't it crazy that we are all so concerned about what everyone else will think about our not perfect life? Actually it's sad.  Can you imagine what a support we could be to one another if we didn't have to worry about being judged by others?  Who do you know that isn't dealing with something - illness, death, addiction, financial problems, a wayward child, marital problems or loneliness. It seems like a such a waste to go through heart wrenching experiences only to hide them away.  What good our knowledge could be for someone struggling through the same thing. Sadly we have to guard against the judging words and thoughts of others, because they can be so cruel. I know that only too well.

My family has been through some pretty heavy stuff.  Substance Abuse. Addiction. Co-dependency. And all that goes with it....which is lots and lots of pain, despair, gripping fear and hopelessness.  For everyone involved.  But you know what?  We made it through. And life is good. We still have hiccups and days when the past threatens to overshadow our future. And then I remember how strong we are. And we press on. And we fight.  And life is good, oh so good.

Judge not.  That was the lesson God wanted me to learn last year.  I know this because I had to learn it over and over AND OVER again.  It was really hard for me to learn this lesson because there was no reason for people to judge my family.  Even harder to learn a lesson when the judging was directed at my husband....who did nothing wrong. Unless you consider taking a job opportunity that would greatly bless your family, as something wrong. Harder still when the judging is coming from people you considered friends.  See the thing about being open about your life challenges and your past, is people are all too quick to throw them back at you....usually after lots of embellishing. Or they take it upon themselves to remind you of all the reasons you shouldn't try anything new because you are sure to fail.....being "that" kind of person and all.  We took a different job and the chatter began.  And it made it's way back to us. Daily.  And the comments were mean and hurtful and untrue....which made it all the more painful. I was mad.  I was hurt.  I was disappointed. And most of all confused.  I wanted to lash out and retaliate. I wanted to confront. But what I learned was I had to do the hardest thing of all.  Not judge those judging us. And that took a lot of tears and prayers and swallowing of pride.  When I was able to see it for what it really was, which is this-

"Misery truly does love company, and jealousy creates some of the most miserable people. Surpass the achievements of your particular social crowd or your business colleagues, and look out for the slings and arrows of those who wish you were back where they are. You have to dodge the snide remarks and catty comments. Let them roll right off you. Don't internalize them. Only pay attention to feedback from those who have similar goals or who are working actively alongside you to achieve goals of their own." Denis Waitley

I felt sorry.  Sorry for those judging.  And I knew I could not judge them because then I was no different than they. And it reminded me again how careful I should be that I never cause that kind of pain to another because I am judging without ever having walked in their shoes. It reminds me to be sure no careless comments escape my lips and make their way to my brother. Because who am I to judge?

"There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: “Judge not.” "

Thomas S. Monson