Forgiveness

 

I love how the Lord works. Line upon line, precept on precept. He patiently and gently teaches us, giving us small pieces of truth and light until suddenly it all comes together and we KNOW.  Several months ago I stopped listening to the radio stations I normally do and tuned into KLOVE. It is a Christian music station. I love it.  There are two songs that play frequently called Forgiveness by Matthew West and Losing by Tenth Avenue North. These specific words from the songs kept jumping out at me-

Forgiveness. It'll clear the bitterness away. It can even set a prisoner free. There is no end to what it's power can do. So, let it go and be amazed. By what you see through eyes of grace. The prisoner that it really frees is you.

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them. Cause I feel like the one losing. Why do we think that our hate's going to change their heart. We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought. But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground.
We build our bridges up but just to burn them down. We think our pain is owed apologies and then it'll stop. But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not. Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound. Of mercy and Your grace.

As I heard these songs over and over I started to feel a tugging on my my heart to let go of a grudge that I was holding onto….but I wasn’t quite ready yet.

In the meantime, I was reading the book “There Is No Death” by Sarah LaNelle Menet. I highly recommend reading this book about her near death experience.  I cannot put into words how profoundly this book has affected me. The part that touched me so deeply was when she faced her life’s review. She writes, “ At that moment I started thinking about all of the things that I had done in my life. As the thoughts formed in my mind, a window seemed to open before me and my life’s review began. It was as if someone had a video that ran at fast-forward, showing my entire life from my birth until the moment I arrived in the spirit world. It only took seconds, and yet I was doing more than just watching the events of my life pass by. With each event I not only saw my actions, but I heard the thoughts I was thinking and felt what I was feeling at the time. I was reliving each experience, only this time I could see all that was happening around me as well. I could see and feel what those I interacted with were seeing and feeling. I could actually feel their pain or joy and understand what they were thinking as they reacted to my actions. For me this was not a pleasant experience.  There were some good things I had done in life but very few. I began to feel sick and full of pain because of the things I had done and the pains of the heart I had inflicted upon others. Despair set in because I felt sure I would never be able to undo any of my misdeeds. As I viewed my life, there was no doubt in me about what was good or bad. I could no longer lie to myself or anyone else about my feelings or motives. The worst parts of the review were when I had intentionally hurt someone else. Somehow the emotions of the moment combined, and I felt not only my anguish but also the pain felt by others. I was in misery.  Quickly I came to understand two very important concepts: The first was that I alone am responsible for my actions. When I had my life’s review, I could not blame others for what I had done. Each of us decides his or her actions.  The second was that our thoughts, words, and actions are extremely powerful and have an effect upon more people than we realize. Like the far-reaching ripples in a pond after a rock is thrown in, the effects of our actions touch people that we are not even aware of. But unlike the ripples in a pond, the ripples or effects of our life’s actions also come back to us, for good or bad.”

Later in Sarah’s book she recounts her visit to spirit prison where she stands next to her father, who had abused her as a child. She writes, “Suddenly, for some purpose, I was allowed to feel a small part of the pain that he was feeling for the life he lived. It was so completely overwhelming and excruciating that even twenty-two years after that experience I can still feel the pain my father felt. I could not bear to look at him, but I began to feel great compassion for him. As I stood there listening to him crying and feeling his horrific pain, the spirit of hate that had been my constant companion during life, causing me to hate him and everyone else, suddenly and inexplicably left me. I truly felt God remove the sword of hate out of my hand. I felt so sorry for my father that I wanted to put my arms around him, perhaps to give him some comfort of understanding that I had forgiven him, but I didn’t. Because I couldn’t touch him, I just stood there feeling his desire to change what he had done to me. Now he had real sorrow for his choices and the pain he inflicted on others. I realized that he was repenting, but it was excruciatingly painful and slow. It would take a long time. Once again I realized that we not only feel the pain of what we have personally done in our lives, but we also feel the pain that we have inflicted upon others – from their perspective. The unspeakable regret and torment these spirits were suffering was because of the ability to feel what others feel. Many times we feel justified in taking revenge on those who hurt us by cheating us in business, personal relationships, or otherwise. We want assurance that they understand how much they have wronged us. The time will come when they will have a perfect knowledge of how we were affected by what they did. It is our responsibility to forgive them and let natural processes be the teacher. Also, we do not have the ability to accurately judge another’s motives. We need to allow God to make those judgments.”

I was stunned. I couldn’t sleep. This concept pierced me to the core and I pondered over it for days. There were many truths that were confirmed in my heart. Someday when my life is over, I will stand accountable for my actions, this I know. But with this new shift in perspective I realized how very blind I have been. Many different events ran through my memory, some with me as the offender and some with me as the wounded, only this time I put myself in the other persons place and opened my eyes to see. To REALLY see. And oh how painful it was.

I realized I do not want to take on the burden of another persons actions, which is what I am doing when I hold onto an offense and refuse to forgive. They will have to account for their actions someday….I have enough of my own follies to worry about.  I realized how deep and far reaching my actions can be and the need to forgive and seek forgiveness from many around me swelled within me.   I think differently now.  I have no desire to gossip because I don’t want to have to account for the unkind words I have spoken.  I have no desire to take offense and harbor a grudge because I don’t want to take on the pain of someone else’s actions all because I couldn’t let it go.  Christ has already paid this price.  I just want to be kind and love all those around me and ultimately I don’t want to be disappointed in myself when I face my life’s review.

Last week I was touched and amazed as I listened to the General Relief Society session of conference.  The message shared by Sister Linda Burton, confirmed the sweet lesson that my Father in Heaven has been teaching me about forgiveness.  Here are my notes

1. All that is unfair will be made right through the atonement.

2. There is power in the atonement to repent of our sins and become a true disciple of Jesus Christ.

3. The atonement is the greatest proof we have that the Father loves us.

4. We need to have the doctrine of the atonement written deep in our hearts and let it work a mighty change of heart.

Lastly I re-read this wonderful talk given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, titled “The Merciful Obtain Mercy”. It is worth reading over and over. I especially love this part-

The Way of the Disciple

My dear brothers and sisters, consider the following questions as a self-test:

Do you harbor a grudge against someone else?

Do you gossip, even when what you say may be true?

Do you exclude, push away, or punish others because of something they have done?

Do you secretly envy another?

Do you wish to cause harm to someone?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to apply the two-word sermon from earlier: stop it!

In a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones. But before we do so, let us remember the words of the One who is our Master and model: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.”¹²

Brothers and sisters, let us put down our stones.

Let us be kind.

Let us forgive.

Let us talk peacefully with each other.

Let the love of God fill our hearts.

“Let us do good unto all men.”¹³

The Savior promised: “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over. … For with the same measure that [you use] it shall be measured to you again.”¹⁴

Shouldn’t this promise be enough to always focus our efforts on acts of kindness, forgiveness, and charity instead of on any negative behavior?

Let us, as disciples of Jesus Christ, return good for evil.¹⁵ Let us not seek revenge or allow our wrath to overcome us.

“For it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

“Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink. …

“Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”¹⁶

Remember: in the end, it is the merciful who obtain mercy.¹⁷

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, wherever we may be, let us be known as a people who “have love one to another.”¹⁸

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng&query=forgiveness

I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for softening my heart and opening my eyes.  For giving me the opportunity to forgive and more importantly the opportunity to ask for forgiveness from those who I have wronged, hurt and disappointed. I have been so humbled and blessed and I have much work to do.