I am walking down another street

An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

By Portia Nelson

Chapter 1.

 I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I fall in. I am lost...I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2.

 I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place, but it isn't my fault.  It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4.

 I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5.

 I walk down another street.

I love this poem.  How often do I repeat the same pattern over and over.  Making the same choices until I am tired of falling into the hole in the sidewalk.  Once I realize the change must come from me, I am ready to learn the lesson.  Once I learn the lesson, I can move forward and walk down another street.

This applies to my life in all situations....heavy problems and small nuances.

As I read this I think about my feelings as a mother. I think about the late night hour I dread.  The hour where my house is quiet.  My husband and all my children are sleeping peacefully.  I am laying in bed but I cannot sleep.  The days events are running through my mind....

Kendall was trying to tell me something...I wasn't listening.  What did he say?  Kelsey made an extra effort and I didn't acknowledge it...do I praise her enough?  I scolded Kylie.  Did I see the look on her face when I reprimanded her?  I should have read that book to Kaiden... it would only have taken a minute or two. Did I tell any of them I loved them?  I forgot this.... I didn't do that.  The guilt stabs me in the chest and takes my breath away.  It makes my heart hurt.  The tears come.  Mostly from sheer exhaustion, I think. I say a little prayer and remind myself that tomorrow is a new day and I am walking down another street.